MICHAEL: Don't worry. The fall was a little rough, but the little bastard's fine.
DR. MORRIS: Now, what little bastard would you be referring to?
MICHAEL: Oh, that's funny.

MICHAEL: ...You wouldn't have any morphine on you, would you? Convenient liquid? Chewable tablet? I'm not fussy.

LISA: I'm sorry, I don't mean to bother you, but, uh... you're scaring away all the solicitors and door-to-door salesmen and religious zealots.

LISA: ...I need to be able to go into the kitchen at 2:00 in the morning and turn on the light without waking somebody up and I need to know that it's okay to occasionally walk around in my underwear. You know what I mean?
ROGER: None of these things is a problem for me. Yeah, I've been getting that "underwear" feeling myself.

MICHAEL: Doc! Something terrible's happened. Somebody shut off the whirlpool. I smell sabotage.

MICHAEL: What I need is one of those cold, frosty drinks with a paper umbrella in it. You know the kind I'm talking about.

HEATHER: Uncle Roger?
ROGER: Mmm?
HEATHER: Bite me.

HEATHER: Thank you.
ROGER: Heather... bite me.

MICHAEL: A bugmeister.
DR. MORRIS: ( snaps fingers ) Exactly.

DR. MORRIS: ...bugmaven...
MICHAEL: Bugmeister.
DR. MORRIS: Bugmeister. Uh-huh

DR. MORRIS: ...bugmonger...
MICHAEL: Bugmeister.
DR. MORRIS: Uh, right-- ...makes any more trouble I've got to get that little bugger out of your head.

MICHAEL: ...talk about a small world. ( chuckles )
BING: You two know each other?
MICHAEL: We took a nasty fall together once.

BING: What did you just do?!
MICHAEL: It's okay. He was in a lot of discomfort. Have you ever had a transmitter you didn't want inserted into your body? Trust me, this is my area.

BING: ...Where am I going?
MICHAEL: Oh, come on. You know where you're going. We both do. And they're not going to let you take any of your little friends with you. I mean, it's not like that movie was called Bugman of Alcatraz.